The End of War…Returning to New Life

Post contributed by Keith Barnett, faithful servant and Master Chief Web Guy at United We Serve.

“They say the dead are the only ones who ever see the end of war … I’ve seen the end of war … I just hope I can live again.” … A quote from the movie “Brothers”.  Very graphic movie … depicting quite a true to life representation of PTSD and what our men and their families experience when they return from war.

After watching this movie I remembered an experience I had several years ago … I met a man (Staff Sergeant) at a reintegration retreat where I was a chaplain.  His wife was falling apart as she had been working and doing all she could for 4 years to hold their family together.  He has been back from Iraq about 3 years.  His experiences in Iraq changed him.  He was aggressive with me at first when I tried to reach out to him one-on-one.  He told me we were 2 ships passing in the ocean and I know nothing of his life.  He was right.  All I knew was he was in pain and he was about to lose his family.  I preached a message that night in the chapel about the great soldier Namaan who came to the prophet covered in leprosy.  I don’t know why, but I used this Staff Sergeant’s name in place of Namaan.  Later he approached me and asked me outside the building where he began to “dip in the Jordan and cleanse himself” and honored me by trusting me with all the details of his experiences while in war.  It was the first time he had ever spoken of these things in 3 years.

Why am I telling this story?  Staff Sgt. was living a life of mere existence.  If you asked his wife about her day … she was a go getter … working, volunteering, kids, cooking, cleaning, etc…  If you asked him about his day … he played golf.  He was going nowhere.  No ambitions and the only hope he had was to not have to use the suicide note he carried with him in his wallet.

I heard a message yesterday at church called “Awakening”.  I cried later talking to a friend.  I realize that to some degree spiritually I’ve been merely existing … playing golf.  I miss the man I once was.  So, what am I waiting for?  It isn’t academic.  It isn’t a set of dos and don’ts or an algorithm that will save me.  It is enough to feel my heart break and be discontent where it lives at times.  I’ve been given a new life.  I feel like the man who is released from being in prison for a long time, shocked by the light of day, overwhelmed by the vastness of the world and the opportunities, trying to figure out his first steps.

Why am I sharing this?  I don’t know …

I’m not reaching out for help … prayers are welcome o)

I’m not wearing my heart on my sleeve for pity’s sake

My message may be that God’s grace is a beautiful thing.  At times we feel far from God (or disconnected), but God is a lover that understands, forgives, and gently loves us back into His arms.  He doesn’t push himself on us.  He doesn’t force His love on us.  He doesn’t force us to love Him.  At times he is the gentle quite lover who longs and patiently waits for us to turn around and look at Him.  When we do we realize He has tears in His eyes because He is familiar with our suffering and pain.  He has a smile on His face because His unfailing love cannot be contained.  See the very familiar poem below:

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,

“The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you.”

The poem below is called “High Flight”.

I’m not a pilot, but I’ve loved this poem since I learned it.  It is inspirational

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth

And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;

Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth

Of sun-split clouds – and done a hundred things

You have not dreamed of – wheeled and soared and swung

High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there

I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung

My eager craft through footless halls of air.

Up, up the long delirious, burning blue,

I’ve topped the windswept heights with easy grace

Where never lark, or even eagle flew -

And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod

The high untresspassed sanctity of space,

Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

Pilot Officer Gillespie Magee

No 412 squadron, RCAF

Killed 11 December 1941

the Blogging Buddy Challenge

A couple of days ago WordPress issued a challenge to bloggers to find a blogging buddy, of like interest etc. to walk through this crazy rambling literary part of our lives with.  Someone to encourage, inspire, pick us up when we are down.  Hmmmmm…….sounds like a Battle Buddy to me.  Isn’t that what we’re about here at  United We Serve?  So, in light of that challenge, I will expand on that and put out a call for not just a Battle Buddy, but to all of you Battle Buddies.  Service members, veterans and military kids.  Come, make this your own and lets do this together.

I know so many of you and you all have the most awesome real stories of your relationships with one another that have gotten you through some really tough times.  Service member battle buddies that will be connected for life.  Some of our Battle Buddies, who were separated from the military due to injury, have formed incredible relationships with new battle buddies.  Their families have bonded and together they walk through the perils of the “new normal” they now call life in retirement.  But they all have the most amazing strength and determination to just get through the day.

Some of the military wives and moms I know are the strongest, funniest and most creative people I have ever met.  They have developed the McGyver mindset of being able to solve, fix or find someone that can help.  You don’t recognize it ladies.  You (speaking to myself too) are survivors and the real backbone of how and why our warriors have been empowered to do what they do.  We stay connected how ever we can.  Facebook, email calls or visits when possible.  And even though we may not see one another often, we have a deep bond.  Battle Buddies.

I spent part of yesterday visiting with a dear friend.  A military mom like myself who was feeling the panic of separation from her child.  Wow, the empathy kicked in and drove me right back to that time, and the feelings I have felt so often.  We didn’t chat so much about that really, but ventured into life and the wandering trails of our personal quirks and shared experiences.  A cup of tea with a friend on the phone.  We both felt better.  Battle Buddies.

So this is a CALL TO ACTION!  When you share even a little bit about your Battle Buddy relationships it gives the rest of us hope.

Hunkered down no more….

Snow at Shepherd's Pasture

It’s been a frigid week at Shepherd’s Pasture.  The kind of bone chilling frozen cold that most of us in Texas consider a major event.  Shut down the world, close the schools, stay off the roads ’cause most of you don’t know how to drive on it kinda week.

Here at Battle Buddy Headquarter (aka Shepherd’s Pasture Retreat Center) we’ve been, for lack of better terminology, hunkered down.  Even the 17 year old crotchety resident poodle guy would rather go into hibernation that take a walk in the pasture right now.

I love this place, and so do many of our Battle Buddies.  It is a place of peace and tranquility and healing most days.  It is beautiful always, but I yearn for spring and summer, blooming and green.  But there is a season for all things, here and in relationships.  I’m reminded this week to push in, push through and soon enough it will be spring and new beginnings will be blooming again.

It’s been a week of looking inward and spending time with my ultimate Battle Buddy and the Word.  After a crazy winter storm Sunday, I woke up on Monday morning with a start.  Not easing into the day as is usual.  Eyes wide open, dark, icy, COLD.  And yet I was joyfully wide awake at 5:30 as if God was poking me on the shoulder like one of my grand kids and saying, WAKE UP!  WAKE UP!  I want to spend time with you!  So, wide awake as I was, I complied and was blessed by the time we have spent hunkered down together.

When God says SNOW DAY, give in, take the day and spend it building into an important relationship.  You’ll be blessed.

The Real Social Network

Welcome to the BattleBuddy Project blog.  My name is Romey and I’m the founder of United We Serve, a non-profit serving our military, veterans and their families.  For us, it’s all about relationships.  Not just the short, shallow I met you once kinda relationships, but the relationships where we’ll walk through times of real hardship, share real joy together kinda relationships.

We’ve been helping our military for about 14 years, and are ourselves part of the military family.  No doubt that our stories will creep into the fabric of this blog.  It’s who we are.

We learned early on that one of the greatest things that a service member looses when they separate from the military, whether it is due to retirement or injury or any other reason is their Battle Buddy.  That person you have trusted your life with on so many levels and would give your life for.  We define BattleBuddy in a broader category here at United We Serve though.  For the spouses, moms and dads, kids and loved ones, it’s those that saw you through your war, here at home.

The Battle Buddy mission is to help facilitate new relationships.  Real, true, accountability kind of relationships that see us through life and the unique struggles that the military and their families face.

This project is about all of us in the military world and I invite you to jump in and become part of it.  After all, it’s all about relationships.