It’s time today to pay proper homage to my incidental friend and our odd-fellow relationship. He landed here at Shepherd’s Pasture a few years ago after a roller coaster ride of a life. He says that he was “looking for a good place to die”. Why here? Just because it was the right place at the right time I guess. Not because he’d ever met us, or even particularly wanted to be here I would guess.

Not to worry. This is not a memorial kind of homage, more of a intermission celebration of a life that has a few more chapters to be written. My friend has had an amazing life. The kind of life full of more county legends and infamous mischief than you or I could even dream up. And all of that debauchery now stews in that timeless vault of a brain until it’s aged to perfection and finds just the right occasion to spill out in a wonderful tale.

I drove him to distraction at times. This was verified by the collection of names I’ve accrued over the years, Mother Superior, Hitler, Drill SGT. As I think about it, I haven’t heard any of these for quite a while. He either gave up the battle of the wills or realized that it was all tough love and for his own good. Or maybe we mellowed him just a little bit.

We’ll all miss you Sandy, quirks and all. You have changed the landscape of life as we know it.

One thing I know for sure, you don’t choose family, or battle buddies. And that we will forever be my friend.

God speed into the next chapters of you crazy amazing life my friend.

Last night, scrolling through the fb feed, I came across an urgent post on a PTSD cause page that stopped me dead in my tracks.

Suicide…I have begged for help from VA.  I have PTSD and can’t deal with the pain.  VA is bullshit. Govt won’t help.  Good bye, I give up.

This was a tweet that immediately made its way to fb with and urgent request for attention.

Twitter user:  unknown  Location: Texas

Not too much to go on here….where do we start?

Over the course of the next hour or so, over 40 caring individuals from across the country pieced together, investigated and communicated  enough information to locate and help this Vietnam Vet that has been struggling for too many years alone. None of us knew this vet personally.  A passion to save this vet and come alongside him in his hopelessness was the only common bond.  Enough information was gathered to call in boots on the ground kind of help we needed.

I do not know the outcome this morning of these efforts, and I may never know.  But I do know two things.

1. When you think no one cares, you’re wrong.

2. When you think there is nothing you can do, you’re wrong.

I wanted to share an opportunity for you to listen to a wonderful telethon that we here at United We Serve will be participating in with  60+ amazing guests including troops and others calling in from Iraq and Afghanistan, active duty military from back home and many veterans.

You are all invited to pass this information to everybody you can… especially to veterans, active duty military, families and to those you know who work with our veterans and troops.

Below is the info sent out a few days ago in a News Release from the PR Company Fleishman Hillard:

Veterans’ Day Comes Early for The Howard Keating Show Listeners 24-Hour Web-a-thon Will Connect Vets With Jobs, Financing and Franchise Opportunities

DETROIT – Veterans’ Day is observed every November, but for America’s veterans and listeners of The Howard Keating Show(www.keatingnetwork.com), the holiday will come early this year as Howard hosts a 24-hour national Web-a-thon to benefit struggling veterans and their families.

From 5:00 pm EDT on April 6 until 5:00 pm the next day, Howard will honor America’s most-important heroes by giving them what they need most – access to jobs and a better financial future.

By bringing together authors, job boards, financing experts, franchising representatives, social services professionals, entertainers and a their fellow active soldiers Howard will be doing his part to end the national shame of poverty and hopelessness among so many of our veterans.

For more than 30 years, Howard Keating – a veteran himself — has been one of the nation’s strongest advocates for supporting small, developing or minority-owned businesses. He has been involved with over 25 start-ups and 16 turnarounds and his expertise spans everything from manufacturing, to software, to electronics, to land development, to health care. He has deep roots with the intricacies of federal programs and he organized and chaired the World Summit for Small Businesses in Washington D.C.

For this live, interactive Web-a-thon, over 60 associations and 200 companies have pledged to help our returned soldiers:

• Get a new job;

• Start a business;

• Expand their business; and

• Obtain up to $25,000 in business development loans.

“Our goal for this program is to get 1,000 veterans to apply for a job, and make 1,000 business contracts available to veterans,” said Howard Keating, CEO of Keating Network and host of The Howard Keating Show.

“This is just the beginning. We will continue these Web-a-thons until all of our veterans and their families have established the financial independence they so deserve.”

To Watch this event go to: www.keatingnetwork.com

I don’t think I could ever forget the intense loneliness that I experienced the first few days after my husband left me and our newborn son for Bagram Airbase in Afghanistan. I had to finish packing up our house, get the last couple of boxes in storage, and clean our house one last time with a newborn (yes, a first-time mom at that). My husband wanted me to go live with my dad back in Texas. He just felt better knowing that we were going to be looked after.

Three days after my husband left, my sweet dad flew out to Raleigh, put me and my son on a plane and then drove my car back to Texas so that I didn’t have to do that car trip with a newborn. I had friends waiting for me when I got off the plane in Texas. I remember feeling both the need to be strong until I could get my son settled into our new home for the next nine months and the need to fall apart. My friends were incredibly supportive and I was glad to see them.

God was gracious and gave me my own circle of Battle Buddies during that time. Obviously having my dad around was a comfort. He traveled most of the time I was there, but just knowing that he’d be back in a week or two and that if I needed something he would be there was relieving.

My next battle buddy was my friend, Kristi. She lived four hours away from us, but she would come and stay with me for the weekend and my son and I would go spend time with her as well. There is no way to put a value on what she was for me during that time.

As soon as I got to Texas I hunted down a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group at a church close by. We met once a week and I was able to get to know the women in my small group. They rallied around me during that time. They helped me to laugh, relax, and vent when I needed to. I will always be grateful to that group of women. I am not close to any of them at this point, but I think about what someone once said to me about friends. Some friends are for a lifetime and some are for a season and we need both kinds of friends. Those women were my battle buddies for that season.

Why do I write this? Well, because I believe we all need people to rally around us during the difficult times in our lives. United We Serve is doing just that. Making sure that Service Members, Vets, and Family Members don’t have to just muddle through is their passion. I hope that if you need help, that you will seek it out. And, if you are able to give help, that you will do that too. We all need Battle Buddies, right?

You CAN help provide them hope. You CAN save a life or a relationship. Be that help today and join us by providing the tools necessary for healing our military and their families.

Nick Alden was a good guy. Loved his wife, did right by her and his two small children, worked hard, and fulfilled his duties as security forces. Good Airman. He served a tour here in Alaska, then packed up and took his family to England, just as he was ordered.

And now… he’s dead. Why? No good reason. He didn’t pass away of some inherited family disease. We didn’t lose him to a car accident. No… some piece of poo radical Muslim decided to pick a fight with a bus full of United States Airman and pull a gun. Nick threw himself at the shooter to stop him, and now…

Trish is alone in Europe with her two small children. She’s a 23 year old widow.

I cried a lot of yesterday evening. I am slightly unaware of how much, as I often fight the feeling. I welled up a lot, and am still violently irritated with myself for not being stronger when Trish let me know.

I mean, I’ve known this young woman. I’ve mentored her, listened to her, watched her grow, wiped her tears, held her babies in my arms… I’m nauseated just thinking about how Nick came out with Lilly, their older baby girl, and loaded her up into my car when Trish was in labor with Will. He thanked me. I hugged him and wished him great luck and blessing with Trish during those next few hours. Lilly and I drove home in a snowstorm, excited about meeting her new baby brother.

Just a few weeks later, Trish and I sipped warm drinks at Starbucks while I cuddled little Will. We laughed about Nick spending time alone with Lilly, and probably having his hair done.

We had barbeques, parties, visits… we shared our lives. We told secrets, ate, confessed our inadequacies and prayed together. I was in denial about her leaving for England right up until the night that my husband drove Nick, Trish, Lilly, and Will to the airport. I felt like I hadn’t been enough of a friend or mentor… I’d somehow failed as a big sister type. I don’t know why… I just prayed deeply in the spirit for Trish.

God, I’m so damned MAD! Why did this bastard feel the need to take a stand with a gun? Why didn’t he just blow himself up and stop traffic for a while, instead? Why didn’t… why? DAMMIT. It was NICK. The guy was 24 with a young family!!! This is stupid and ridiculous and any moment now, Trish will sent me an email telling me that there has been a mistake… it was the SHOOTER that was killed…

But I know that’s not going to happen.

This isn’t my tragedy nor my life. It belongs to Trish. I just want to lift most of the burden off of her and bury it in the sand so that she doesn’t have to face it. I want her to feel his arms wrapped around her and know that she’s going to be okay. God will protect her, comfort her, heal her heart. He’ll be her Husband and Father every moment. I trust that and know that. I just struggle to understand how this could be happening.

I don’t know what I’m saying. I know I’m just rambling. So I’ll close with this… Nick, thanks for serving our country. You paid the ultimate price, and your wife’s heart is the casualty of war. Just know, man, that she’s not alone down here. I’m talking to God about all sorts of good things for her, including security, comfort, and peace. Rest in the Father’s arms. Goodbye, SrA Alden. Well done, faithful servant. Well done.

http://www.adn.com/2011/03/03/1735020/ex-elmendorf-airman-killed-by.html

Our Military service members provide the ultimate service to our country.  But their return home is often the toughest part of what they do.  Many service members and veterans have returned to find that they feel alone.  They often realize that few people understand or share the experiences they have had.

United We Serve is a non-profit organization from seeking to help our military, giving back to those who have given so much of themselves.  Operation Battle Buddy is at the center of the efforts.  With this project, United We Serve is helping service members and veterans connect to what they often need most – someone else who shares their experiences and understands.

Returning men and women can feel as though they are the only ones having the feelings of anger and depression after returning home.  United We Serve knows that there are others, just like you, who are struggling with the same pain and confusion.  Battle Buddy helps to foster relationships between service members and veterans.

United We Serve helps you find others to reassure you that you are not alone.  There is hope, and there are others.  There are others who know the experiences, understand the difficulties, and seek to come together for loving support and a chance of moving forward.  At Shepherds Pasture, the United We Serve Retreat Center in East Texas, returning soldiers can find peace again. Each retreat focuses on the unique needs of the participants.

Operation Battle Buddy works with service members and veterans, as well as their families.  They bring hope, love and support by facilitating relationships for entire families that have felt the harsh realities of Military life.  On the retreats at Shepherds Pasture, Battle Buddies will welcome relaxation and a break from the confusing world they have left behind, and the one they have come home to.

The United We Serve Retreat Center serves our military families with special programs as well.  The have programs focused on post-traumatic stress disorder, Traumatic Brain Injury, and other service-related reintegration issues.  These programs are designed to target the recuperation of the entire family.

United We Serve has been helping military families for 14 years.  The non-profit organization is run by a military family who understands what military service members have been through.  Operation Battle Buddy  was developed to give returning soldiers the one support that they miss the most from their service time, a Battle Buddy.

Visit United We Serve or contact us at info@unitedweservemil.org or call 903.665.2647, for more information on the services they provide at no cost to Military families.

“They say the dead are the only ones who ever see the end of war … I’ve seen the end of war … I just hope I can live again.” … A quote from the movie “Brothers”.  Very graphic movie … depicting quite a true to life representation of PTSD and what our men and their families experience when they return from war.

After watching this movie I remembered an experience I had several years ago … I met a man (Staff Sergeant) at a reintegration retreat where I was a chaplain.  His wife was falling apart as she had been working and doing all she could for 4 years to hold their family together.  He has been back from Iraq about 3 years.  His experiences in Iraq changed him.  He was aggressive with me at first when I tried to reach out to him one-on-one.  He told me we were 2 ships passing in the ocean and I know nothing of his life.  He was right.  All I knew was he was in pain and he was about to lose his family.  I preached a message that night in the chapel about the great soldier Namaan who came to the prophet covered in leprosy.  I don’t know why, but I used this Staff Sergeant’s name in place of Namaan.  Later he approached me and asked me outside the building where he began to “dip in the Jordan and cleanse himself” and honored me by trusting me with all the details of his experiences while in war.  It was the first time he had ever spoken of these things in 3 years.

Why am I telling this story?  Staff Sgt. was living a life of mere existence.  If you asked his wife about her day … she was a go getter … working, volunteering, kids, cooking, cleaning, etc…  If you asked him about his day … he played golf.  He was going nowhere.  No ambitions and the only hope he had was to not have to use the suicide note he carried with him in his wallet.

I heard a message yesterday at church called “Awakening”.  I cried later talking to a friend.  I realize that to some degree spiritually I’ve been merely existing … playing golf.  I miss the man I once was.  So, what am I waiting for?  It isn’t academic.  It isn’t a set of dos and don’ts or an algorithm that will save me.  It is enough to feel my heart break and be discontent where it lives at times.  I’ve been given a new life.  I feel like the man who is released from being in prison for a long time, shocked by the light of day, overwhelmed by the vastness of the world and the opportunities, trying to figure out his first steps.

Why am I sharing this?  I don’t know …

I’m not reaching out for help … prayers are welcome o)

I’m not wearing my heart on my sleeve for pity’s sake

My message may be that God’s grace is a beautiful thing.  At times we feel far from God (or disconnected), but God is a lover that understands, forgives, and gently loves us back into His arms.  He doesn’t push himself on us.  He doesn’t force His love on us.  He doesn’t force us to love Him.  At times he is the gentle quite lover who longs and patiently waits for us to turn around and look at Him.  When we do we realize He has tears in His eyes because He is familiar with our suffering and pain.  He has a smile on His face because His unfailing love cannot be contained.  See the very familiar poem below:

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,

“The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you.”

The poem below is called “High Flight”.

I’m not a pilot, but I’ve loved this poem since I learned it.  It is inspirational

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth

And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;

Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth

Of sun-split clouds – and done a hundred things

You have not dreamed of – wheeled and soared and swung

High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there

I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung

My eager craft through footless halls of air.

Up, up the long delirious, burning blue,

I’ve topped the windswept heights with easy grace

Where never lark, or even eagle flew -

And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod

The high untresspassed sanctity of space,

Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

Pilot Officer Gillespie Magee

No 412 squadron, RCAF

Killed 11 December 1941

I know so many of you and you all have the most awesome real stories of your relationships with one another that have gotten you through some really tough times.  Service member battle buddies that will be connected for life.  Some of our Battle Buddies, who were separated from the military due to injury, have formed incredible relationships with new battle buddies.  Their families have bonded and together they walk through the perils of the “new normal” they now call life in retirement.  But they all have the most amazing strength and determination to just get through the day.

Some of the military wives and moms I know are the strongest, funniest and most creative people I have ever met.  They have developed the McGyver mindset of being able to solve, fix or find someone that can help.  You don’t recognize it ladies.  You (speaking to myself too) are survivors and the real backbone of how and why our warriors have been empowered to do what they do.  We stay connected how ever we can.  Facebook, email calls or visits when possible.  And even though we may not see one another often, we have a deep bond.  Battle Buddies.

I spent part of yesterday visiting with a dear friend.  A military mom like myself who was feeling the panic of separation from her child.  Wow, the empathy kicked in and drove me right back to that time, and the feelings I have felt so often.  We didn’t chat so much about that really, but ventured into life and the wandering trails of our personal quirks and shared experiences.  A cup of tea with a friend on the phone.  We both felt better.  Battle Buddies.

So this is a CALL TO ACTION!  When you share even a little bit about your Battle Buddy relationships it gives the rest of us hope.

Snow at Shepherd's Pasture

It’s been a frigid week at Shepherd’s Pasture.  The kind of bone chilling frozen cold that most of us in Texas consider a major event.  Shut down the world, close the schools, stay off the roads ’cause most of you don’t know how to drive on it kinda week.

Here at Battle Buddy Headquarter (aka Shepherd’s Pasture Retreat Center) we’ve been, for lack of better terminology, hunkered down.  Even the 17 year old crotchety resident poodle guy would rather go into hibernation that take a walk in the pasture right now.

I love this place, and so do many of our Battle Buddies.  It is a place of peace and tranquility and healing most days.  It is beautiful always, but I yearn for spring and summer, blooming and green.  But there is a season for all things, here and in relationships.  I’m reminded this week to push in, push through and soon enough it will be spring and new beginnings will be blooming again.

It’s been a week of looking inward and spending time with my ultimate Battle Buddy and the Word.  After a crazy winter storm Sunday, I woke up on Monday morning with a start.  Not easing into the day as is usual.  Eyes wide open, dark, icy, COLD.  And yet I was joyfully wide awake at 5:30 as if God was poking me on the shoulder like one of my grand kids and saying, WAKE UP!  WAKE UP!  I want to spend time with you!  So, wide awake as I was, I complied and was blessed by the time we have spent hunkered down together.

When God says SNOW DAY, give in, take the day and spend it building into an important relationship.  You’ll be blessed.